woke up. Suitcase was packed on the floor. Don't remember packing it last night. Didn't check what I packed, I trust my drunk self.
Waiting at train station.
Only one track is running and the people are HIGHLY CONFUSED. everyone is asking everyone what's going on. Old asian lady walked up to me and asked "is a train coming?" I said "I hope so, it seems to be the only reason we're all here." She walked away dissatisfied.
YoungGirl is waiting for train holding lacrosse stick. Old man walks up and says "that's something you don't see here everyday. Do you play?"
I think in my head "oh no she just carries it for fun you old creepy man, shut up dude, we're all still drunk and miserable, theres no time for dumb questions'
Girl responds "oh no I dont Im actually meeting my friend in the city and bringing it to her" then she fakes a phone call
Guy said I dont think we've met. Girl said Oh I'm Samantha. I laughed out loud from the corner. http://t.co/QO55YlqvEx
got on train
Stood next to an old lady in christmas gear and a young knitter. For 10 mins the old lady talked and the knitter didn't say a word. Then the knitter flipped the script and talked for 20 mins straight about her knitting and the old lady wanted to tap out of the convo so bad. Some good quotes from the two....
"It's so weird. I'm doing this and it's like my hand just knows exactly what to do" - the knitter, She has no idea how the brain works
"back when I was only doing scarves" - the knitter. Old lady just nodded along like she knows the timetable and levels of knitting
"Don't think of me as elderly, think of me as 20 years younger. I hate the word elderly." - Elderly women
"All of my friends are 20 years older than me" - shocking development from the person knitting on the train
Swiped my card at the computer check in. They said are you James O'Brien? I said yup! You nailed it computer!
Then I proceeded to check in.
Paid for an aisle seat cause if I was in a middle seat Id literally vomit.
Paid to check my bag.
Walk up to give the lady my bag and Linda says "wow you're early!" I say "no Linda I'm actually late."
She says "you don't board until midnight."
I say "fuck you Linda enough with the jokes let's just get going i'm hungover and miserable already."
She says "it ain't no joke. You board at midnight and land in Minnesota at 5am."
I start throwing punches.
Turns out there's multiple people named James OBrien in this world and one of the others is flying to MN tonight. Well to that fellow name holder I say, don't worry about getting to the airport early cause you're already checked in, and pack a bag, bring some extra stuff cause it's already paid for! Also enjoy the new seat in the exit row!
MISSED MY FLIGHT
By the time all the confusion was figured out it was too late.
The girl teller had such a good laugh at my situation. I think it made her day. So that was nice of me. Made that girls day and paid for other James OBrien seat change and bag. Paying it forward is what I do!
Courtney also got me my money back for other James OBriens upgraded seat and bag. So much just went down in that guys life that he doesn't even know about.
10 minutes ago he was checked in to his flight with a sweet seat and a free bag. Now he's just back to his chump life. Still got a nice name though.
Guy at security just complained that the people didn't let him smile in his passport picture. But like a real complaint not a joke. Hes mad about that. Hes mad that they didn't let him smile in his passport picture.
I'm over here committing identify theft by accident, hungover and shit mouth and this guys mad that THEY DIDNT LET HIM SMILE IN HIS PASSPORT PICTURE.
Just did the security tube thing where you raise your hands and stand still and came to the conclusion that I'm still drunk.
Bought an apple juice cause it was the bottle like in Boy Meets World
Took a sip. Apple juice kinda sucks.
Got lost in thought while buying gum trying to decide which guy Id rather hang out with.
Couldn't come to a conclusion.
Asked the clerk lady which one shed choose. She responded with "will the gum be all?"
Second bartender came back from break and Tony, who had been working hard (tho not good) alone said to her "whaaaaaaaaaa you think I'm soup maaaaaaan????"
Tony becomes my new favorite person of the day
I get my sandwich. Ranch French Fries dude leaves and I get excited at the prospect of a new person sitting next to me.
I realize that the other James OBrien will be at the airport while I'm still here and debate if I should tell him all that happened. I decide not to cause he probably does not care one bit and I don't know how'd if find him.
Guy in all camo asked Tony to change the channel. Tony scrolls through every single channel like its 1996 trying to find the game.
Camo guy tell him to use the guide to find the channel.
Tony thinks since camo guy talked he must have found the right channel. Puts down the remote and leaves the weather on.
Camo guy is perplexed.
I think about explaining Tony to him but I don't think he'd understand.
Vicky, the second bartender asks "why are you still here don't you have a flight to catch?"
I explain the situation to her. She's very apologetic. Feels bad for me.
A you g girl sits next to me. I'm in no state to attempt to be normal and talk to her.
I think about Tony calling superman Soup Man cause of his accent and everything is okay in the world.
Kid to my left says. "Sorry for eavesdropping but I overheard your situation. That really sucks man"
Yeah, thanks for the input.
Left the bar.
Laying on the ground in the corner. Gonna try and take a nap. Or a full nights sleep, I got time
I left the bar cause the kid to my left ordered a double of fireball and I thought that was a pretty sad thing to do AND he definitely fit the bill of a kid who orders doubles of fireball so I took a picture of him but he saw me do it so I bounced.
Here's a picture of what I look like right now. Just older and grosser. Same idea though
Realize sleep isn't gonna happen. Start sadly walking aimlessly around the airport.
See a sign that says Need Help? and laugh.
Me and a older gentleman lock eyes for a little too long. Both feel weird about it
Notice there's no more dogs around which all but confirms my dog flight theory.
Got unreasonably mad at whoever okayed the art piece in the middle of the terminal.
Hey the terminal is looking bland, let's put some art work in there.
I know a guy who can make the general shape of an animal out of old shitty wood
No no but that sounds horrible. Actually, you know what, let's do it!
Thought to myself, maybe I can go poop and that'll kill some time. Then realized i didn't have to poop so that plan didn't work.
Had a chuckle that newspapers and magazines still exist. Then proceeded to buy a book which made my chuckle a hypocrite
Tony is on lunch break and came over and sat right in front of me to eat, which is quite literally the best thing that's happened to me since he said Soup Man.
Get on plane. My seat is right in the front. Kinda cool I guess.
Girl next to me just asked flight attendant what the wine selection is. He said red or white.
Missed a good opportunity to break into billy Joel song IMO
Flight attendant looks like Craig Robinson. Also a Delta makes there flight attendants wear turtle necks. Id quit on the spot.
Really need to pee but got a ton of garbage on my tray and Craig isn't even close to coming around with the garbage bin yet
Plane is an igloo. Blanketed up. Lady across from me just whipped out a down comforter. Debating fighting her for it.
Girl next to me just gave me a free drink coupon. This day is turning around!! (But not really. Still sucked)
Over iowa. They've over compensated for the cold and I am now on a sauna plane. Down comforter blanket lady may quite possibly die.
Got to Newtown. 20 hours later. Trip end.
I like the Yankees, watching TV shows and talking about stuff.
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