We put on a movie the other night and since I was drunk I got the urge to make some treats. My go to is cookies because I have a recipe memorized. The only problem is the memorized recipe yields like forty cookies. We didn't need forty cookies. We needed four. Arithmetic isn't for me so I wasn't going to try and figure out the numbers on my own. I googled a recipe that said it made two cookies and doubled it. I'm not sure what I had too much of or too little of but they came out like pancakes. Half chocolate chip pancakes, half chocolate chip cookies. It wasn't the desired result but it wasn't really disappointing either.
I enjoying cutting vegetables. It's a very cathartic experience for me. My hands are as restless as my mind. I set up in the kitchen so I can watch tv and cut at the same time. Well last weekend the puppy bowl was on. They had a three legged dog playing against a blind dog. That's a strong recipe for distraction. There I am chopping peppers, doing my thing, when the three legged dogs back story is being fleshed out. It's a pretty sad tale. He lived in a dumpster. He is missing a leg. He's basically the dog version of a Vietnam veteran. It's very compelling. BAM. Knife went too far down and now there is blood and skin all over the cutting board. I'm pretty nervous because it looks bad. I've got a chunk of skin with a sliver of finger nail attached hanging on by a thread. The girls refuse to help me because they don't like blood. Brad had to come to the rescue and cut me up. It was a mess. I'm fine now, but I have no idea how the mutant dogs faired in the puppy bowl and that's tragic.
The good news is this now makes me even more of an official chef. You're not a hockey player unless you lose a tooth playing the game and you're not a chef until you put some of your blood on the cutting board.
I can't stand listening to wedding toasts anymore. If I could outsource that part of my job I would. I need someone to transcribe what they say and send those to me with timestamps. That way I am able to find the two sentences that actually mean something without having to listen to five minutes of nonsense. If anyone wants this position let me know.
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